Goodness. What to say about this weekend? The start of the Autumn season has brought before my eyes the full scope of all that I have grown, harvested, and even spoiled.
My path goes ever onward. Where I once stumbled in the dark with ne’er a torch in hand, a flame I now carry. Where my path was fully unseen now shows matted grass, footprints, and signs along the way. I’m even starting to find small settlements, kind travelers, and creatures with tales to tell!
It’s almost like I’m figuring this stuff out. Go figure!
The spoiling of this years planting is not forgotten, nor may it ever be, but time pays no heed to walls and I move forward. I find wisdom and inspiration reaching me (ever so slightly) easier than before, I find my relationships growing stronger, and I find myself less concerned with “How to do it right” and more concerned with “How to do it best”.
This year’s Autumn Equinox was a significant milestone for me. It marked my acceptance as a full and official member of a Grove of Ar nDraiocht Fein and gave me my first opportunity to present publicly as a leader of a high day ritual.
When pursuing anything in life there is always doubt. I do not believe that doubt is a force to be shunned outright. Doubt and fear are integral parts of the life experience. They protect us from harm and encourage us to consider the greater picture. Unfortunately some of us are more prone to the claws of the pitch black than others. Some moments resonate deeper than others, however. Some moments are a flare in the night. A tear of lightning through the stormy sky.
Where “I feel I should try this” begat “I want to do this” begat “I have been chosen to do this” begat “This is happening now”. And here I am.
When I left the house on Saturday afternoon I could not help but think of the episode of King of The Hill where it was hunting season and Bobby tells Kahn Jr. “Dad says I’m leaving a boy but coming back a man.” to which she replies “You’re lucky. I’m leaving a girl and coming back a man.”
So I did it and I seem to have done it well. Few things build a path stronger than being told you’re doing well. I hear it a lot, and it’s always way, way too easy for me to dismiss it out of hand. But perhaps I’ve finally heard it just enough times to surpass the threshold of disbelief and convince myself that what I’m achieving is actually an achievement.