Oh what a mess I’ve been.
Damh has layed heavy on my mind for so many days now. I decided to explore the Druid Animal Oracle, inspired by my friend Grey Catsidhe, and was immediately struck by how bold it was. It was loud and direct… And then came Damh. Over and over came the stag, standing there beneath the gateway arch, gazing at me. It was particularly jarring to me, having had such a frightening encounter with that spirit nearly nine years ago to date.
The signs were pointing to a reunion. A long awaited confrontation with that spirit once again. I was, and am, quite nervous. I have sought council with the Goddesses of my hearth, I have sought council with the great women that surround me, I have sought council through omens. The answers keep coming as knowing silence and/or an emphasis on patience.
It’s been particularly difficult as, if I’m being brutally honest, I find the Animal Oracle to be both incredibly loud and also difficult to discern. The runes I feel I can more confidently look at, think on, and feel. The Oracle feels more… Academically challenging. Whether or not this means study and persistence will get me anywhere is anyone’s guess. As of right now I feel that the emotions stirred by that deck are predominantly shock and unease… But direction comes from it nonetheless.
As I did with runes in the past I feel it important to document my reads and feelings with the Oracle as well, to perhaps provide perspective in the future.
This morning I called on inspiration to guide me, and when the cards felt right I turned the top with my left hand and saw the Seal, reversed, before me.
Let me express my relief at not seeing tines raised before me for a fourth day.
So what do I see when I look at Seal? The first thing that I noticed was the rainbow shining down on her head. The rainbow is a liminal light, a beautiful cascade of inspiration from the Gods that follows the storm. Indeed there are stormy clouds passing through just overhead. In the distance there is a flat, rocky island, tiny and seemingly uninhabited. Isolation and imprisonment come to mind. The Seal stands on the rocky barrier between sea and land, a slippery, sharp transition that houses strange and hidden life. The sea, of course, is a gateway to the underworld.
So Seal. She is a beautiful maiden from another world. She comes from the sea to mate with man, her beautiful fur a cloak that changes her appearance so she can walk among us and be fertile. She is a loves in our world but lives in another. Seal is longing and difficult choice.
One of the biggest challenges of taking omens for me, especially in times of intense emotion, is jumping to conclusions. It’s all too easy to see the myriad of signs in a card such as the Seal and apply them to the many things happening in my head and heart right this moment. I feel a great deal of fear and conflict over the dominant thoughts of Damh reappearing. I genuinely fear things like losing the bond I have with my Goddesses in place of the Stag. I fear entering the water again, emerging on that beach, and being frightened by his golden, singing eyes. I have so much tied to them. My altar and so much love. It is completely foolish to assume I must part with them to make room for someone new but my fears are still my fears.
So upon seeing this card reversed it tells me what I’m already quite aware of… That I’m feeling faced with a choice and that I must choose what is good and right in the heart as well as in the head. I must not look to take the shawl of the selkie but let the cycle take it’s course, even if it means seeing what I love journey away.
It is not an omen I cherish. Loss is easily the most difficult concept I struggle to manage in this journey of mine.
So I felt uneasy and a little scatterbrained after taking that omen. I needed more answers. I took to the runes, calling on inspiration to guide me on what to do in regards to the whole stag situation.
Four runes came up from the depths, all face down, in the shape of Laguz, but mirrored. I’m rushing too fast into this. I am white water and not the brook. Curious at the whispering words hidden within I turned the runes to find Wunjo (Heeey!), Ehwaz, Sowilo, and Naudiz.
Slow down. Take it easy. Be joyful and in time you’ll get what you need.
I seriously feel like a child protagonist in a fantasy movie. “I wanna ride the dragons too, father!” “You’re not ready, child. Be patient.”
You would think with so many forces constantly telling me to relax and be patient that it would stick at some point. Chill and be balanced. For a bear son you’d think I’d be more sedate. I do my best work when I’m sleeping. (-.- ( )