This is not the first time I’ve experienced this but, for the purposes of this journal, I feel it was important to finally write a tiny bit about this.
A few times while meditating or preparing to sleep I have experienced a state of, I guess trance, wherein my body feels consumed by the bear spirit. I become part conscious, part unconscious, animal and human. The scene around me is often shadowy and uncertain but I am going, forward, moving, as a bear through these shadows.
It is exhilarating and frightening all at once. I lose myself to the experience but catch brief lucid moments. Eventually the lucid breaches become me attempting to force myself from the reverie. It is difficult. It is difficult to return to, well, me because it is just… Resistant… And it just feels so good. So exciting.
I do, eventually, return to normal. But… It’s certainly a thing. It’s a wonderful and terrible thing. I would like very much to just… See what happens if I could let it run it’s course. To put myself in a safe space and let the bear consume me. To let Her teeth and claws and blood tear and course through me.
I have zero idea if transformation experiences play into ADF practice in even the slightest. Perhaps it’s some of grandmother’s old magic seeping it’s way into my new experiences.
I have no logical or thoughtful thoughts to be thought on this. I am getting quite tired.