Rune Divination Journal – 5/30/16

My rune reading tonight continued my saga of being warned about loss of the path. The runes fell in the pattern of an inverse Tiwaz, warning me of a loss of guidance. This path contains great amounts of old wisdom (of course) as well as strength, kinship, learning, and adaptability. Losing the way lies between a guttering flame and a joy smothered in chaos.

I came away from this reading with wisdom from my Patroness Nantosuelta. That she wishes to reinforce my bravery moving forward and not let myself wane in piety or joy, lest I lose my footing.

Which, of course, means introducing myself to Belenus very soon, cold feet be damned.


An Exhausted Stream Indeed

So remember the other day when I drew Laguz before heading to work? Well it got more interesting.

Fast forward from my day to the evening where I retired early to prepare for a very early shift the next morning. I was pretty tired and had to be up at 4am so I got to sleep pretty fast… And then the midnight commotion came. Our cat, very likely because I got to bed so early and my husband retired to his room as well, just became a terror. He ate and ate and barfed and then ate and ate and barfed and then made a mess in his litter box and… It was just one thing after another. All the hustle and bustle eventually roused me and, in my bleary state, I began to assist with damage control.

It was pretty apparent that he hadn’t gotten adequate time with his daddy today and he was all restless and wired up so I hauled myself out of bed and plopped down, semi-conscious, in my computer chair. He near immediately alighted onto my lap and settled down, something he very rarely engaged in with me personally.

So there I was, pulled from sleep at 2 in the morning to give laps to a restless kitty. But he needed it. He very clearly needed it. And as I turned on Saltybet and struggled to not slump over unconsciously onto him I saw Laguz again. That straight stroke with a sharp bend. Adaptability. Deviating from the plan. Flowing like water to do what needs to be done.

Yup. You got my number with that one.

A Morning Omen and Reflections – 05/26/16

This morning I awoke, washed, changed, lit a candle, centered my being, and asked my Mothers to have a little sit down and chat before I shuffled off to work.

My first prayer and divination with my new rune set provided a message simple yet complex, as a single rune draw might. I recieved Laguz, the water. I was careful to remain aware of challenges that would require adaptation and persistence. I did indeed encounter some friends today with unexpected changes in their lives and was sure to offer them a smile and my support.

I may attempt to pull a few additional runes going forward with my morning meditation as a single rune is, as you might expect, fairly vague in it’s meaning. We shall see which way I am pulled I suppose!

Dream Journal – 05/23/16

I just awoke from a dream in which I was arriving at work out of uniform, early, with the intent to go get my uniform before my shift. When I arrived Pope Francis was there any my theater, instead of the usual show, was holding a special religious service. I remember hearing organ music and seeing several elderly women in wheelchairs as I passed by the open theater doors.

I then proceeded to go through the employee access doors and found that the halls had changed. These doors didn’t go where they used to and I was lost. I kept moving forward but familiar rooms were now in different places. I struggled to get back outside again where I could regain my bearings.

Eventually I emerged outside again and knew where I was once more. I bumped into a custodial cart and had a hard time stopping it from moving.

Then I woke up.

It does remind me though… I need to get up early tomorrow for a uniform exchange.

Waiting to meet the runes.

My first set of runes arrived in the mail today. Carved and blessed by The Magical Druid in Ohio, they’re a very lovely little wooden set. They smell just lovely and while I’ve yet to spend any amount of time feeling them in my hand they look nicely carved. I’m waiting to get too deep into them until I set aside time to properly welcome them to my home and stain them appropriately. I look forward to learning more about them and, of course, expanding the vocabulary in which I can communicate with the Gods.

I was thinking about the face that came down from the sun and I’m starting to suspect it might have been Belenus. I’ve been thinking about the upcoming Summer Solstice rites a bit and it could be that He wanted to swing by and give me a little pat on the back… Or a little kindling to my flame.

I’ve also been thinking about the falling sticks to which I derived my internet handle here. I’ve been asking occasionally to return to that dream thicket where I witnessed the fallings sticks of true names. I have yet to return. With my recent exploration into shamanic-style journeying I’m wondering if perhaps I’m to find my way there again as I grow in my spiritual power?

Either that or my true name really is just Falling Sticks.

A Brief Walk In Bear

I got a little support and guidance from the ADF ‘Ecstatic Trance’ mailing list regarding my transformative trance experiences and received a bit of guidance to further explore what I was feeling in a more controlled and aware (therefore safer) manner. What follows is an elaboration on the hastily recorded notes following the event.

As suggested I did my meditation naked. I turned out the lights and set myself down on my bed, arms at my sides. I closed my eyes and began steady, rhythmic breathing until I could keep the rhythm and just focus on sensing what was around me. Usually I find the hum and gust of our AC a distraction during my meditation but tonight I was able to, for lack of a better term, integrate it into the experience. I could feel the air pouring down around me and the bed pushing up in response. Soon I noticed my breathing taking a deeper, heavier pace. I felt a rush of blood through me twice and then I felt myself kind of melting.
It eventually felt like I had stopped breathing altogether and I found myself looking through unfamiliar eyes. My fur looked brown or gold. There was very bright sunlight. I was male. I knew this for certain. The place I was in was some sort of overgrown ruin. Light yellow stonework was underfoot and to my left. Trees stretched above, shading some of the sun. The stonework also rose above me, to my left, forming a curved wall. It was a sort of turret with stairs following around it, upwards. There were also wider stairs further left that were almost completely shaded by a tall wall with an archway. The stairs led down to this arch and beyond the arch was a vast, sunlit field.
The of this ruin or whatever it was had long vines growing on them with black or dark red berries. I also smelled olives very strongly. Like olive wood.
I considered ascending the spiral tower steps but got a strong sensation of violence. I could actually taste blood. The danger was like metal in my nostrils. Would there be a kill there? I did not want to fight at that moment.
I finally got my legs moving. It felt as if I had spent the entire morning ‘warming them up’ to only start moving now. I started moving down the stairs instead, towards the archway.
I then snapped out of the meditation, gasping sharply for air.
I submitted this to the group and am curious about feedback. As to what I think about it? I think it was interesting and vivid but have yet to really ponder it for any meaning.

A Face Came Down From The Sky

Tonight I was preparing to settle in for the evening. I sat myself before the altar and focused on centering myself. I did my breathing and then moved into the Two Powers meditation. I set my roots, drank from the underworld, and filled my belly. I looked up to the sky, the light between, and called down the fire to fill me…

And as I did a face briefly shone before me. It was a man with a broad, long nose and a moustache. He said nothing and had a neutral expression, and then he was gone.

His visage completely fled my memory as I finished my evening devotional, as I did not even think to inquire about the man’s image in my prayers… But after I had called the flame back to candle to smoke I remembered… And came here to journal the experience.

I started a conversation with the ‘Ecstatic Trance” group on the ADF message service regarding my transformation experiences. I have received some sensory exercises to try so when I have several moments alone to truly focus on it, I will attempt to learn more.

I am also now waiting on the arrival of my first set of runes, carved by The Magical Druid. On recommendation from my mentor I am to receive and hallow these runes and explore their use going forward in my Dedicant work, to see if they are a fit for my practice.

It’s become another late night completely by accident so I will finally, finally lay myself to sleep.

Mothers, please keep this home safe and sacred. Wrap me in your loving arms while I slumber and guide me safely to enlightening dreams til the sun returns to me.

Travelling on the bus to Her

I was just now on the bus to work and thought it would be an excellent time to do my morning devotional. My mentor suggested strongly that I attempt to work it in to my commute, as it’s largely time spent alone and I cannot do much else besides sit.

Well… I sat and did my breathing while listening to an mp3 of nature sounds. A forest stream, my favorite. I performed the Two Powers meditation and found my center… And then I went to my sacred space, my mental grove. I came from my childhood bed, turned left down the hall, stepped out onto the grass and followed the cliff down, West. I passed the skunk cabbage and the tractor path to the pond and found my way under the canopy of massive trees that covered the space near where the Kayaderosseras passed our home.

I sat, a distance from the creek, and watched.

Artio entered from the left side of my view, from the East. She walked with a Bear, her self as well. Bear was a deep red-brown as was Her long, wavy hair. She wore a loose white gown and walked barefoot through the creek.

She sat up on the crossing log and played her toes through the clear water. Bear, too, played. She rolled and splashed a moment, playing with the pebbles shimmering under the water.

Artio then turned to face me, smiling. She was radiant. Bear approached and all my focus was on her. I could feel pressure, like the air had all been compressed down on me. I had felt this before, when Bear came to me and mauled me, tore at me.

This time Bear did press down on me. Her massive head was all I could see. Teeth and claws and blood filled my vision but also an embrace, a mother’s lapping of the tongue. Playful and gentle shoving. The shoving intensified, pushing me in lazy arcs like a dog with a ball. Then it was toward Her. Best pushed and pushed til I sat at Her feet and She sat both before me and beside me.

Artio spoke, sitting on that log, looking down at us. Her voice was soft and motherly.

“You were seeking me.”

I thought of saying words but I didn’t… Or I couldn’t. I felt that sort of… Black miasma swirling around my mouth like chains of viscous wind.

“You are beautiful.”

“You are not strong…”

“…but you will be.”

“Return now.”

And then I awoke, seated on the bus.

I am still reeling a bit from the experience but it certainly affirms some elements I’ve been aware of. My desire to be beside Her, to serve Her. My desire to grow. Her encouragement fills my heart so much. And Bear, so aggressive and so loving. Every encounter with Bear is terrifying or nurturing or both. I both cherish and fear every encounter.

This was the first time I can recall seeing Her so clearly, hearing her voice. Bear’s force has been stronger in the past but never before had I sat so close to Her shining radiance.

It was a hell of a day to start a Wednesday, I tell you that.

Oh Artio
Blessed mother
How I long to be beside you
Paws in the grass
Fur damp in the stream
Your beauty surrounds me yet more
Every day my love for you grows
I fear my heart can grow no further
And yet it does

I dream of paws and teeth and claws
Of fur and roar and coarsing blood
Will you have me as man and beast?
Will you have me with you, mother?
I long to be beside you
Your child
Your partner
Let my hand be my paw be yours

I am so blessed by you
Your beauty and strength fills me
Let my blood forever be yours

Transformation In Meditation

This is not the first time I’ve experienced this but, for the purposes of this journal, I feel it was important to finally write a tiny bit about this.

A few times while meditating or preparing to sleep I have experienced a state of, I guess trance, wherein my body feels consumed by the bear spirit. I become part conscious, part unconscious, animal and human. The scene around me is often shadowy and uncertain but I am going, forward, moving, as a bear through these shadows.

It is exhilarating and frightening all at once. I lose myself to the experience but catch brief lucid moments. Eventually the lucid breaches become me attempting to force myself from the reverie. It is difficult. It is difficult to return to, well, me because it is just… Resistant… And it just feels so good. So exciting.

I do, eventually, return to normal. But… It’s certainly a thing. It’s a wonderful and terrible thing. I would like very much to just… See what happens if I could let it run it’s course. To put myself in a safe space and let the bear consume me. To let Her teeth and claws and blood tear and course through me.

I have zero idea if transformation experiences play into ADF practice in even the slightest. Perhaps it’s some of grandmother’s old magic seeping it’s way into my new experiences.

I have no logical or thoughtful thoughts to be thought on this. I am getting quite tired.